A Letter To The Past

Hi Grandma,

It’s me. Though this is just an assignment for a module I’m doing now, I really hope that you can hear this because this means a lot to me. We’ve been given a choice to make this letter private, but I choose not to because I feel there’s no need to be so secretive about pouring our feelings for our loved ones. Besides, I’m really proud of my Grandparents, and I want people to know that.

It has been years since I’ve last talked to you. I can vaguely remember us going on a Hari Raya trip together, the whole paternal side of the family. I can remember us riding on the back of a pick-up truck as we were going to another destination. Am I not wrong, that at one point in the journey I requested that if possible, you could come and make a stop at my place that very same night? I do not know whether you still remember these moments but I’m really glad if you do.

The very last time I saw you, was during a somber occasion. At the moment when I arrived at your daughter’s place in Tampines, I wondered why everybody in the house was crying. I wondered why you were wrapped in cloth of pristine white with only your face exposed. I wondered why you were lying down in the middle of the living room, on top of a thin Javanese batik cloth. I was ushered into a room where all my other cousins were. Though we were playing, I knew that my aunts and uncles were sad, and I really wondered why. I asked one of my older cousins what was going on, and what had happened to you. Her eyes were puffy and swollen. She told me with a smile that you were just sleeping, and that there was nothing to worry about. The next thing I knew, people were kissing your face as they were crying. You looked so serene and beautiful, even though you were sleeping. The next thing I knew, six large men lifted you up, placed you in a long wooden box and hauled you out of the house with everyone in tow. I wondered why had these men put you in a wooden box, as that is a terribly uncomfortable place to sleep in. That was the last time I saw you.

When I got older, I finally understood that you had passed away. My only regret is that I did not get a chance to kiss and hug you for the last time before you went away, that I did not get to say goodbye to you. I do get a little envious of my friends who still have Grandmothers whom they can run to for comfort. I really miss you!

Grim things aside, I’ve grown up a lot, Grandma. Though I’m the youngest, I’m the tallest in the family. I don’t really communicate much with my family, but we’re still good. I’m currently attending a course called Film, Sound & Video in Ngee Ann Polytechnic, and in my first year. It’s quite a happy place with a colorful array of characters and individuals. All I can say, is that I’m finally happy being where I am right now. I’m doing what I like, besides music. All the while, people have been telling me that I’m wasting my time, pursuing a year of GCE A Level education and transferring to Polytechnic the next. It saddens me to know that most of the people I know do not encourage me in my education path. There was a point of time where I really do not know who to find encouragement in. I really wished it was you! There’s so much I want to share with you, things that I’ve lived through since you passed away. I guess there’s just too many for me to specifically pinpoint!

Well, I guess it is time I end off this letter here. I really hope you can hear this, where ever you are. And I can never say it enough, I really do miss you a lot! I hope we can see each other one day. I’ll be waiting for your embrace again!

Love,
Your grandson,
Hafiz